Monday, December 26, 2016

The Beginning of the End Which Is the Beginning Actually, Again

It is finished.

The end of Advent season.
The end of another Yuletide.
The end of Christmas this year.
It's over.
We made it through.

And with the end comes my beginning. Again.

Christmas is the birth of Christ all those years ago. Oftentimes it is explained that Jesus came to die for our sins. But that is too simplistic.

Jesus didn't come to die. He came knowing dying was on the table but He "came to seek and save the lost" and when people, His people, denied Him it became the only option left to save us was to die for us. In His end he proclaimed (and I quote), "It is finished".

He ended so that we can begin. Again.
And then He began again.

So that's what I am going to do. Again.

When I was five years old my mom says I accepted Jesus into my heart, ie, I was, born again. But I don't remember that and at camp when I was 12 I rededicated my life to Jesus. Much like married people will renew their vows, I accepted the Christian lifestyle all over again. Then, when I was 19 I had another come to Jesus moment and begged His forgiveness and, again, committed myself to Him.

I walked the walk.
I talked the talk.
I did the work.
I praised.
I taught.
I submitted.
I shunned.
I justified.
I belittled.
I was ashamed.

But I recall His words: "It is finished"; which means I can begin again. Again.

December 27th is my birthday and I am going to do something I have never done before.
I am going to give myself a gift.

The gift of Release.

I am gifting myself the Release of trying to reconcile with those who refuse, thus shoving me into more shame.

I am gifting myself the Release of trying to measure up and to achieve what people believe I should do or be.

I am gifting myself the Release to know I am forgiven. Truly. Wholly. Deeply.

I am gifting myself the Release to live in that place of True, Whole, Deep forgiveness.

I am gifting myself the Release that I can speak in Spanish.

I am gifting myself the Release to be who I am now and not die over and over in the who I was. Who I was is a powerful and priceless person. Something bad happened and now, years later, I can still be a powerful and priceless person and I Release myself to fling into that person as I am now. Jesus does. My wife does. My children do. I can, too.

I am gifting myself the Release to not be bullied anymore.

I am gifting myself the Release to speak truth. Again.

I am gifting myself the Release to be joyful again.

As I am now.

It can be my best birthday yet. Again.

With the conclusion of Advent, this will be my last post on this Yule {b}Log. Hereafter I plan to work on my memoir/autobiography and this blog will go back to its original intent as a birth blog, once I am able to practice as a midwife again. Thank you for having read my thoughts. "One of the greatest things as a writer is to have readers." -Katherine Paterson

No comments: